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Title: How Far
Category: lonely
Blog Entry: Four years old and ready to play outside with the neighborhood kids, a small voice asks "How far can I go?". "Stay where I can see you", comes the reply from the parent.Seven years old and the training wheels just came off the bike, and a slightly more grown up voice asks "How far can I ride?". "Just to the end of the street", taking the chance that their child will be out of sight even just for a few precious minutes.Sixteen with a new license, begging to take out the car. A grudging agreement says "Yes", as the ready to explore teenager eagerly asks, "How far can I drive?!", and the limit is set knowing you have to put more trust in their judgement now.As we grow older and rely on ourselves, the only person we have to ask the question "How far", is on us. We continue to be faced with choices that beg of freedom and of boundaries, of truth and lies. How far are we willing to go to keep our freedom, how far are we willing to allow ourselves to let limits. How far do we tell the truth, and how far do we stretch lies.As children we rely on our parents trust in us, but as we grow up we have to rely on our ability to trust ourselves. What are we capable of? You meet somebody new, and you wonder how far you should go to get them to notice you. How far out of your way are you willing to go to put a smile on their face. How much of a commitment are you willing to make, how much are you willing to sacrifice and compromise.Some of us can't wait to be able to make our own decisions, and some people are never capable of making them. It's scary to realize you control your life, and that if something doesn't go as planned it's your responsibility to take. You can blame your parents when you aren't allowed to date and that person you had your eye on goes for someone they can date. You can't blame them when you guard yourself after being hurt and miss the opportunity to meet someone who could have changed your life. You can silently thank you parents for not letting you go to an unsupervised party the cops raided, and then it's on you to silently thank yourself when you decide against that drink from the cute guy at the bar when he gets arrested a week later for date rape.It all begs the question, how far can we trust our own judgement. When we get hurt time and time again, how long do we continue to leave ourselves open to it? Can we remain so closed off that we are denying our own happiness because maybe the risk of getting hurt doesn't seem worth it? Nobody can tell you the answers because you are the only answer. How far are you willing to go? How far are you willing to fall? How far can you stretch yourself, and how far can you sell yourself short.