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Title: Getting To Know You
Category: in love
Blog Entry: It is commonly said that the first year of a relationship will either make or break it and determind the rest of the relationship. I beg to differ: I believe it is in the first month of a relationship. In fact, in a first meeting, first date-this is the true determination. It is a matter of what to look for, what to look past, what to take into consideration, and what to take as a definate warning sign.Many people have what they call gut feelings or instincts. In fact what they're recognizing are microexpressions. These expressions last for a miniscule amount of time and are easily missed by most. There are reasons we sometimes can't even explain things that make us uncomfortable around some people, while other times it's easy to point out what the problem is. Either way, there is a problem.I'm an examples person and in order to use them I'll delve into my own person experiences (yuck!) Candidate #1 The loser father who left me three months into the relationship. What I should have paid attention to that were telltale signs.#1 His close relationship with his mother. Abnormally close. So close in fact, that he dropped out of colelge altogether because he was homesick.#2 He hated his dad and blamed him for everything.#3 His storytelling abilities.Now if I'd taken those as possible warning signs I would have discovered that if he could tell tall tales to his mom, he was capable of lying to anyone. If he blamed his dad for everything, nothing was ever his fault. And he obviously had a lack of responsibility since he dropped out of college and then did nothing with his life.Candidate #2 The idiot that cheated on me six months into the relationship, and what I could have learned in the first month.#1 I always went out of my way to drive to see him#2 He'd just gotten out of a long term serious relationship#3 His stories always involved talking himself upIf I wanted to I would have seen that I was not a priority for him and wouldn't be, he was unsure of what he needed in a girl after the way he and his ex ended, and he not only was cooler in his own mind, but was so strongly opinionated he couldn't feel guilt. And our relationship ended basically the same as his former one.Candidate #3 The love of the rest of my life in the first month#1 He has to talk about things until it's like beating a dead horse#2 He doesn't leave me alone when I'm mad#3 His funniest stories are about his childhood.What this tells me: he likes to resolve things and come to a final conclusion before moving on. He wants to fix things and feels bad when I'm upset, compromising and sacrificing himself for the betterment of the relationship. Family is foremost in his life and he values that.Even though there are things that drive me nuts, and problems, and mistakes...what I see in the first month is resiliance; the strength to push through, and the foundation that will set a presedence for the rest of our lives together.While it is absolutely necessary to take the time to get to know each other that at one year who we are now will seem like strangers in comparison, it's the first month that leaves me confident. I have the confidence that the next year is worth it, that not only we successfully make it there, but we'll be happy. I don't think life is about the struggles or the hardship, it's who we are through it, who we become after, and how willing we are to push. It's not about the fights we'll inevitably have, it's how we work through them. And in one month, I know how the rest of my life will be.As always, there are exceptions to every rule, and this is one of them. We are liable to get tricked by the smoothest guy even when on our best lookout, and a lot of the time wonder how we missed the signs. We can try really hard, and still never know a person. That's the point, if we don't know them in a month, or a year, it won't matter because we'll never truly know them. There are sociopaths out there, serial killers who's spouses never knew what they were capable of. If someone wants to hide themselves it doesn't matter how long we take because we may never see it. We just have to be smart, keep ground rules, and be able to feel confident in the first month. If there are doubts, don't do it! Take time, see how things go, and commit to nothing! So many times we feel like we're not rushing things when in reality we are. Use the first month as a guideline, not a rule. You can know in a month that you're with someone you can marry, because you see traits in someone great for you. Does this mean you should marry them after a month? Hell no! I said be confident, not be stupid ladies!