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Title: Til Death Do Us Part
Category: dont know
Blog Entry: Here comes the brie; her face glowing with her groom in her sight. As they look at each other the officiant beings, "We welcome you here toda to join these two in holy matrimony", thus the start of the rest of their lives together.They've weighed this decision and their relationship with one another, deciding the good outweighs the bad. In the highest hopes they feel they have a fighting chance and can overcome the struggles that break so many others who felt the same and had a different outcome.In the moment they repeat their vows and exchange rings hope is prevalent. When the initial honeymoon stage wears off, resolve replaces hope. Resolve to push through the tough times and not fall apart. And there lies the key to successful marraiges, an equal resolve to fix whatever is going wrong. Also the breaking factor for many, the resolve of one spouse and not the other.It begs the question, when does the obligation end? At what point is it ok to give up? Simply put...you tell me! It's more a matter of how much you're willing to put up with.My fuse was shorter than most in retrospect. What many women put up with for years, I squashed in moments. Then again, it was on a second chance that he managed to brutalize me as much as he did. For others, they may have seen the light of day long before I did. Probably about the time they were abandoned pregnant did they say "never again".My heart didn't allow for that. Instead I hurt for the life that was escaping my grasp and I grieved for the boy who least deserved it. They say love is blind...well mine was just plain stupid. I still believed we were meant to be together but he didn't see it yet. When he did see it, I wasn't as cautious as the situation called for. It was painstaking just to hold off the weeks it took me to take him back.Much to my dismay although attributed to my imbecile self, he called it quits two months after we eloped. You'd think that after what I'd already been through I'd have demanded an elaborate and public wedding. Instead I secretly eloped. Without an engagement ring.My lack of common sense continues to plague me as I then quickly sold my car and entrusted my life into his hands. Hope can turn even the smartest woman into the biggest fool, and a fool I did become.In short time I was cut off from our finances and rationed out a living. Then I was left stranded without our car. To seal the deal that he meant to divorce me, he took me to court four times in a week and called DCYF to attempt obtaining custody of our two year old from my more than capable hands.Nearly one year after his harsh abandonment and with a divorce pushed back another four months, I was at a loss. Why? He said he missed me and had something to ask me.I found a great guy who I'd officially been with for 2 months, and I'm forced to recall what this man who wanted BACK in my life accosted me with two months into OUR official relationship: leaving me.My heart and my mind played tug of war for a few days as I pondered my predicament: I still had a husband. Due to unforseable circumstances, I was formally separated but still married. But to what did I owe the obligation of my husband? The answer became clear: absolutely nothing. I had already given. I'd been his wife and I'd held on strong when he gave up. I tried for months, I cried for months, and I fulfilled my obligation long after he felt his ended. What did I owe him? Nothing. He owed me everything and nothing short of years woud allow my distrust to be relinquished. I was going to do what I hadn't the second chance around: protecte myself, because he wasn't going to protect me. With a light heart I reached my verdict, NO! I didn't even want to hear what he wanted to ask me because that was never the important part. What he failed to realize was that even his primary approach was all wrong. There was no apology, no remorse, just "I miss you". To be hoenst, he still wouldn't have had a fighting chance with whatever honesty I no longer trusted him to tell.Years, it would take years of civility to take even one step ahead. And then it would take years of fighting to win me back. All of which I can say with certainty he wouldn't be capable of. In his smallest tiptoe toward civility he stumbled, and I felt free. I was free from guilt in not taking him back. And I felt safe knowing I wasn't the vulnerable one any longer. I would be justified in hurting him just a little, but I won't. I'll be gentle and give the respect I was deserved.But til death do us part? Nah. Cliches fit better: it takes two to tange. I knew how to dance and he had two left feet, determined to refuse dance lessons. Me and my new partner? We mastered the tango and can't wait to learn a new dance.