The Great Expectation

By: CosmoCLE Mood: In love Date: May 25, 2009 Music: None

What is it that makes relationships so scary; why has a commitment become yet another phobio? Easily said? Expectations. Think of it this way: without a label like boyfriend or girlfriend you can get away with no expectations. You're not "required" to do anything and therefore you can't be let down. How many times are men in trouble for doing something wrong? They should have called but they didn't, they should have remembered something they forgot, they're supposed to surprise girls but they don't.

Without these standards labels are in essence pointless. What else is a boyfriend or girlfriend but someone you automatically put standards on once you're together, or put boundaries on yourself. Ever realize how much easier things were in the beginning, how there never seemed to be complications? We all come to see that but never really understand the reason why. Instead we blame it on the other person and what they're not doing anymore. Bingo! You're expectations of them changed and they are no longer meeting them. So rather than explore ourselves we tend to blame others. Ending in disasterous break-ups, anger, pain, and loads of loathing. Because it wasn't our fault...it wasn't what we wanted...all we wanted was to be happy!

What is happiness anymore? We live in a world where everything needs to be better. The social standard is to be better, and the result is disappointment. Self-esteem drops and people are under the assumption that because they can't seem to be good enough they don't deserve anything. Then they settle and they're miserable because their expectations aren't met. Drop all of those points in relationships now, think about past experiences. How many relationships fall into those statements? Often we are on the quest to something more, something better. Even when we're with someone America teaches to look for warning signs and get out of a relationship. Well, all relationships will ultimately have warning signs, it's smart to look for them but on the other hand commitments are often being broken for something....better. And Chris Rock has a point when he says that women cannot go back in lifestyle.

Which brings us to the ultimate great expectation: marriage. Because it's the highest standard it expects it all. More rules, more let downs, more fights, and more blame. Ultimately because we don't realize what's happening or when things started going wrong.

Here's the thing...we should be able to have expectations in relationships. If you can't handle having them put on you then don't put a label on something you're not ready for! If you can't deal with someone keeping tabs on you or putting another preson on the top of your priority list, then do yourself a favor and be clear about it. Of course it may not be what someone wants to hear, but if you're not on the same level as someone wouldnt you want to know? If you're willing to change things for them maybe it'll work, but if you're not and they're led to believe it's going somwehre it's not, the likelihood of disappointment is greatly heightened.

Relationships are not easy, and the farther you become involved in one, the more difficult it is. You have to be ready to compromise, to sacrifice, and to put someone else before yourself. Fights are going to happen but it's not a question of how often or how bad it is, it's how you get through it. If you're ending a relationship because of a fight, you shouldn't be in it. You should get into a relationship with the mindset that you will work through things regardless of what it takes. If one fight is enough for you to say enough, you should not be in that relationship.

Let downs will always happen and people will have their feelings hurt. Relationships aren't fool proof, but they are about getting somewhere in life. Why invest in something you can't see going anywhere? It can be easy to fall into a routine of not wanting to be alone, or needing comfort, or just someone else to care. To have a relationship that works, you need to be able to provide for yourself what you want from somebody else. Relationships are supposed to be give and take, otherwise why bother?

Keeping in mind that the heavier the relationship the more expectations are involved, be prepared for that. Know that you don't make every decision with just yourself in mind anymore because not only do you have expectations of other people...but they have expectations of you.