It must be cheating season again because that's all I seem to be hearing about lately. Sure it goes on all the time but I guess the whole "summer fling" fever has spread throughout the relationship world. Over the past month, I've been hearing about celebrities and random acquaintances' unfaithful spouses/partners. I consistently hear the self blame theory but honestly, does unfaithfulness really stem from a void in a relationship or a shortcoming from the faithful mate? In short, no.
There's a very rational explanation behind cheating or unfaithfulness and at it's core is immaturity. Just think about it, relationships involve two people, yes TWO people, not ONE. Taking that into consideration, a relationship leaves very little room for selfishness and insecurities(of course stemming from immaturity). When a person cheats, he/she is not thinking about their loved one. The cheater is thinking about him/herself- this is where the selfishness and insecurity comes into play. If the person you are with cannot communicate properly then the relationship is doomed. A person can make all the excuses in the world for why they can't tell their partner certain things but the naked truth behind the matter is that when you actively make the choice to hold back or keep secrets, you are the one to blame for not speaking up. In short, don't get involved if you can't speak your mind.
Fear is another excuse I often get from unfaithful people-fear of what their partner may think or fear that the other person will leave. When has fearing something or someone ever been productive? Those whom live in fear will be consumed by mental anguish. Would you rather be the person that thinks "I wish I would have done that" or the one that does it and has a good time and/or learns from the experience? Would Mariah Carey be who she is today if she let stage fright get the best of her? If you really fear what your partner thinks then save yourself the heartache. Break it off before you get too involved or you spend 10 years together. If you can't trust that your other half will work with you then don't be with that person. Divorce and break-up occur because one or both partners give up on one another. Personally, I don't want to be with someone whom gives up on me. Insecurities wouldn't consume a relationship if there is that faith and trust at it's core. If you can't do any of those things then you can't handle a relationship-you don't have the maturity for one.
When a person cheats , he/she gives up and deserves the blame. The faithful one can say "well maybe if I did this" all the times he/she wants but look at it this way, would you really want to be with someone whom makes you question your actions and beliefs? Would you really want to be with someone whom you are constantly catering to out of fear that he/she will leave or disrespect you? That's why I recommend you get to know someone before you commit to him/her.(also get to know yourself because you can't successfully be with another person until you can be with yourself-I don't make the rules, it's just the way society is structured). If you can accept and trust that person 100%, your relationship will have a better chance at lasting. And if it doesn't then at least you can say that you gave it your all and be proud that you aren't the one with the intimacy problems.
Don't be a hopeless romantic, be a hopeful one. You will be happier for it.
The world is full of little boys and girls playing dress up. Do you really want to be the mid life crisis guy in the expensive car and the Abercrombie clothes or the woman with a frozen face and the pool boy? If that's what you want, then go for it, but don't mess with those that want more. Like I've said before, Life is about the choices we make, we chose to do right or wrong and there is no grey area. Grey areas are excuses for people whom knowingly choose to do wrong but don't want to feel bad about it. If you can't handle being mature within a relationship then let those who can have their happiness. And if you don't want others to be happy then get over yourself.
As a sidebar to this, please don't ever begin a relationship with lies. Don't tell someone what you think he/she wants to hear because eventually the truth will come out and you would have wasted your time. I've been approached this way and started to fall in love Then I realized the relationship's foundation was built on lies and I fell out of love instantly. Why? Because I fell in love with an illusion, not a real person.
Also, can a relationship survive amid infidelity? Yes, but it involves both partners putting their egos to rest. Sometimes it might involve letting the unfaithful one go for a while to mature and grow as an individual. After this happens, if the two meet back up and there is that love, then go for it. Love can overcome all ;)