http://www.lovedetour.comLove Detour - Getting Relationships back on track! http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=1299 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=1299 A new year is coming yet love is still not around to comfort me. I spent Christmas with my family in Kansas and I was happy that I did because I last saw them two years ago and the house was now adorned with Zen furnitures that looks very neat.I was very happy however my heart still feel empty with out any boyfriend or love life. There some that dates with me but there is no one that stays.A dating columnists custom papers say that love comes in the right time and right place but when is the right time and hen is the right place? Although vague I am still seeing my bright and romantic future for the year 2011 hope I find my one and only partner in life.But for now, I will focus on my career and family. I would like to help my parents in out family business and then help my relatives and friends. Mon, 27 Dec 2010 19:12:29 -0700 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=84 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=84 Long hard roads are often met with longer harder roads. Don't give up. There is a difference between giving in and giving up. When something scares you, do it anyways. Regret does not stem from failure, it is from having never tried in the first place. You can't regret something that makes you who you are. There is no need to give up on yourself just because someone else did. We are not given challenges to fail, we are given them to learn. We come stronger not by what comes easily to us but by our struggles. Mistakes are not mistakes unless you don't learn from them. Love is not lost until you walk away from it. You can't truly know love without hate, happiness without pain, truth without lies. We don't break, we choose to become either better or indifferent. Words can make us or break us. Someone else can only bring us down if we let them. Tears can be momentarily forgotton while a single smile can last a lifetime. You can't appreciate a smile without tears. Sometimes it's what's not said that affects us more than what is. Forgetting is nearly impossible while forgiveness is twice as much so and is what brings us peace. It is sometimes easy to give second chances and mostly not worth it. Family deserves all the chances in the world. Men don't. Cheating is a choice not an unexpected situation. Children should make us smile, so should grumpy old people. Faith can replace fear if we'd just let it. Follow your instincts the only wrong decision is the one you didn't listen to yourself about. We get hurt when we follow our heart. Disagreeing with logic is ok, love is what happens when nothing else makes sense. Love does not exist to make sense. It creates problems, heartaches, heartbreaks, anger, tears, confusion and downright misery. But only when we try to understand it, not when we just live it. Getting hurt is not an excuse to give up, it's a reason to move on. If you don't have the courage to take a chance then you don't deserve it. Understand life has more and better to offer after loss. You have a new journey to make for yourself. The only life wasted is the life not lived. Live Life. Sun, 9 Aug 2009 20:08:41 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=83 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=83 Here comes the brie; her face glowing with her groom in her sight. As they look at each other the officiant beings, "We welcome you here toda to join these two in holy matrimony", thus the start of the rest of their lives together.They've weighed this decision and their relationship with one another, deciding the good outweighs the bad. In the highest hopes they feel they have a fighting chance and can overcome the struggles that break so many others who felt the same and had a different outcome.In the moment they repeat their vows and exchange rings hope is prevalent. When the initial honeymoon stage wears off, resolve replaces hope. Resolve to push through the tough times and not fall apart. And there lies the key to successful marraiges, an equal resolve to fix whatever is going wrong. Also the breaking factor for many, the resolve of one spouse and not the other.It begs the question, when does the obligation end? At what point is it ok to give up? Simply put...you tell me! It's more a matter of how much you're willing to put up with.My fuse was shorter than most in retrospect. What many women put up with for years, I squashed in moments. Then again, it was on a second chance that he managed to brutalize me as much as he did. For others, they may have seen the light of day long before I did. Probably about the time they were abandoned pregnant did they say "never again".My heart didn't allow for that. Instead I hurt for the life that was escaping my grasp and I grieved for the boy who least deserved it. They say love is blind...well mine was just plain stupid. I still believed we were meant to be together but he didn't see it yet. When he did see it, I wasn't as cautious as the situation called for. It was painstaking just to hold off the weeks it took me to take him back.Much to my dismay although attributed to my imbecile self, he called it quits two months after we eloped. You'd think that after what I'd already been through I'd have demanded an elaborate and public wedding. Instead I secretly eloped. Without an engagement ring.My lack of common sense continues to plague me as I then quickly sold my car and entrusted my life into his hands. Hope can turn even the smartest woman into the biggest fool, and a fool I did become.In short time I was cut off from our finances and rationed out a living. Then I was left stranded without our car. To seal the deal that he meant to divorce me, he took me to court four times in a week and called DCYF to attempt obtaining custody of our two year old from my more than capable hands.Nearly one year after his harsh abandonment and with a divorce pushed back another four months, I was at a loss. Why? He said he missed me and had something to ask me.I found a great guy who I'd officially been with for 2 months, and I'm forced to recall what this man who wanted BACK in my life accosted me with two months into OUR official relationship: leaving me.My heart and my mind played tug of war for a few days as I pondered my predicament: I still had a husband. Due to unforseable circumstances, I was formally separated but still married. But to what did I owe the obligation of my husband? The answer became clear: absolutely nothing. I had already given. I'd been his wife and I'd held on strong when he gave up. I tried for months, I cried for months, and I fulfilled my obligation long after he felt his ended. What did I owe him? Nothing. He owed me everything and nothing short of years woud allow my distrust to be relinquished. I was going to do what I hadn't the second chance around: protecte myself, because he wasn't going to protect me. With a light heart I reached my verdict, NO! I didn't even want to hear what he wanted to ask me because that was never the important part. What he failed to realize was that even his primary approach was all wrong. There was no apology, no remorse, just "I miss you". To be hoenst, he still wouldn't have had a fighting chance with whatever honesty I no longer trusted him to tell.Years, it would take years of civility to take even one step ahead. And then it would take years of fighting to win me back. All of which I can say with certainty he wouldn't be capable of. In his smallest tiptoe toward civility he stumbled, and I felt free. I was free from guilt in not taking him back. And I felt safe knowing I wasn't the vulnerable one any longer. I would be justified in hurting him just a little, but I won't. I'll be gentle and give the respect I was deserved.But til death do us part? Nah. Cliches fit better: it takes two to tange. I knew how to dance and he had two left feet, determined to refuse dance lessons. Me and my new partner? We mastered the tango and can't wait to learn a new dance. Sun, 9 Aug 2009 20:08:42 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=82 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=82 Sorry this might be a little trite or reminiscent of a rant.   I have been getting to know my girl over the past year. Her personality, her characteristics, her imperfections,  are beginning to reveal themselves to me in irritating ways. I feel this unease and doubt becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life, and I am wondering what to do. You see she is easily triggered into stress, easily startled, is seriously dyslexic and makes the biggest fuss over the smallest things. I know it should not be a big deal to me, since i love her so much, its just rubbing me the wrong way. and becoming more then a little maddening. any advice? not to mention the long distance thing.     Sat, 1 Aug 2009 17:08:11 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=81 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=81 So lost in my words couldnt explain in details how I want to react but to keep a blank face with no emotion. I pace in my head back and forth thinking if I can find a solution to my everyday mood, neither can I solve a problem. Days I think of good times and at the end I know how happy beginnings turn to ugly endings. I miss the fact of having to love someone, to call her your love, best friend, to hold, to feel the connection, to fall asleep to without having to worry about tomorrow.Life is kind of shitty. But you work around the worse dramas and try to maintain in one piece! So I stay as patient as much as I can..til than Im gon live within my words. Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:07:56 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=80 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=80 1) Late at night when she's trying to fall asleep2) First thing in the morning when she slept through her alarm, locked her keys in the house and spilled coffee on herself trying to get out the door for work when she's late because of the previous factors.3) At the END of a phone conversation when she's already said she needs to go...multiple times4) On your anniversary, the night before, or the morning after.5) Right after she's done something incredibly sweet and thoughtful for you.6) After she's had a fight with her family7) At a family event or on the way8) While she's at work9) In front of her friends or when she's out with them10) Right before you're about to go into public with her Mon, 25 May 2009 20:05:38 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=79 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=79 It is commonly said that the first year of a relationship will either make or break it and determind the rest of the relationship. I beg to differ: I believe it is in the first month of a relationship. In fact, in a first meeting, first date-this is the true determination. It is a matter of what to look for, what to look past, what to take into consideration, and what to take as a definate warning sign.Many people have what they call gut feelings or instincts. In fact what they're recognizing are microexpressions. These expressions last for a miniscule amount of time and are easily missed by most. There are reasons we sometimes can't even explain things that make us uncomfortable around some people, while other times it's easy to point out what the problem is. Either way, there is a problem.I'm an examples person and in order to use them I'll delve into my own person experiences (yuck!) Candidate #1 The loser father who left me three months into the relationship. What I should have paid attention to that were telltale signs.#1 His close relationship with his mother. Abnormally close. So close in fact, that he dropped out of colelge altogether because he was homesick.#2 He hated his dad and blamed him for everything.#3 His storytelling abilities.Now if I'd taken those as possible warning signs I would have discovered that if he could tell tall tales to his mom, he was capable of lying to anyone. If he blamed his dad for everything, nothing was ever his fault. And he obviously had a lack of responsibility since he dropped out of college and then did nothing with his life.Candidate #2 The idiot that cheated on me six months into the relationship, and what I could have learned in the first month.#1 I always went out of my way to drive to see him#2 He'd just gotten out of a long term serious relationship#3 His stories always involved talking himself upIf I wanted to I would have seen that I was not a priority for him and wouldn't be, he was unsure of what he needed in a girl after the way he and his ex ended, and he not only was cooler in his own mind, but was so strongly opinionated he couldn't feel guilt. And our relationship ended basically the same as his former one.Candidate #3 The love of the rest of my life in the first month#1 He has to talk about things until it's like beating a dead horse#2 He doesn't leave me alone when I'm mad#3 His funniest stories are about his childhood.What this tells me: he likes to resolve things and come to a final conclusion before moving on. He wants to fix things and feels bad when I'm upset, compromising and sacrificing himself for the betterment of the relationship. Family is foremost in his life and he values that.Even though there are things that drive me nuts, and problems, and mistakes...what I see in the first month is resiliance; the strength to push through, and the foundation that will set a presedence for the rest of our lives together.While it is absolutely necessary to take the time to get to know each other that at one year who we are now will seem like strangers in comparison, it's the first month that leaves me confident. I have the confidence that the next year is worth it, that not only we successfully make it there, but we'll be happy. I don't think life is about the struggles or the hardship, it's who we are through it, who we become after, and how willing we are to push. It's not about the fights we'll inevitably have, it's how we work through them. And in one month, I know how the rest of my life will be.As always, there are exceptions to every rule, and this is one of them. We are liable to get tricked by the smoothest guy even when on our best lookout, and a lot of the time wonder how we missed the signs. We can try really hard, and still never know a person. That's the point, if we don't know them in a month, or a year, it won't matter because we'll never truly know them. There are sociopaths out there, serial killers who's spouses never knew what they were capable of. If someone wants to hide themselves it doesn't matter how long we take because we may never see it. We just have to be smart, keep ground rules, and be able to feel confident in the first month. If there are doubts, don't do it! Take time, see how things go, and commit to nothing! So many times we feel like we're not rushing things when in reality we are. Use the first month as a guideline, not a rule. You can know in a month that you're with someone you can marry, because you see traits in someone great for you. Does this mean you should marry them after a month? Hell no! I said be confident, not be stupid ladies! Mon, 25 May 2009 20:05:54 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=78 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=78 What is it that makes relationships so scary; why has a commitment become yet another phobio? Easily said? Expectations. Think of it this way: without a label like boyfriend or girlfriend you can get away with no expectations. You're not "required" to do anything and therefore you can't be let down. How many times are men in trouble for doing something wrong? They should have called but they didn't, they should have remembered something they forgot, they're supposed to surprise girls but they don't.Without these standards labels are in essence pointless. What else is a boyfriend or girlfriend but someone you automatically put standards on once you're together, or put boundaries on yourself. Ever realize how much easier things were in the beginning, how there never seemed to be complications? We all come to see that but never really understand the reason why. Instead we blame it on the other person and what they're not doing anymore. Bingo! You're expectations of them changed and they are no longer meeting them. So rather than explore ourselves we tend to blame others. Ending in disasterous break-ups, anger, pain, and loads of loathing. Because it wasn't our fault...it wasn't what we wanted...all we wanted was to be happy!What is happiness anymore? We live in a world where everything needs to be better. The social standard is to be better, and the result is disappointment. Self-esteem drops and people are under the assumption that because they can't seem to be good enough they don't deserve anything. Then they settle and they're miserable because their expectations aren't met. Drop all of those points in relationships now, think about past experiences. How many relationships fall into those statements? Often we are on the quest to something more, something better. Even when we're with someone America teaches to look for warning signs and get out of a relationship. Well, all relationships will ultimately have warning signs, it's smart to look for them but on the other hand commitments are often being broken for something....better. And Chris Rock has a point when he says that women cannot go back in lifestyle. Which brings us to the ultimate great expectation: marriage. Because it's the highest standard it expects it all. More rules, more let downs, more fights, and more blame. Ultimately because we don't realize what's happening or when things started going wrong.Here's the thing...we should be able to have expectations in relationships. If you can't handle having them put on you then don't put a label on something you're not ready for! If you can't deal with someone keeping tabs on you or putting another preson on the top of your priority list, then do yourself a favor and be clear about it. Of course it may not be what someone wants to hear, but if you're not on the same level as someone wouldnt you want to know? If you're willing to change things for them maybe it'll work, but if you're not and they're led to believe it's going somwehre it's not, the likelihood of disappointment is greatly heightened.Relationships are not easy, and the farther you become involved in one, the more difficult it is. You have to be ready to compromise, to sacrifice, and to put someone else before yourself. Fights are going to happen but it's not a question of how often or how bad it is, it's how you get through it. If you're ending a relationship because of a fight, you shouldn't be in it. You should get into a relationship with the mindset that you will work through things regardless of what it takes. If one fight is enough for you to say enough, you should not be in that relationship. Let downs will always happen and people will have their feelings hurt. Relationships aren't fool proof, but they are about getting somewhere in life. Why invest in something you can't see going anywhere? It can be easy to fall into a routine of not wanting to be alone, or needing comfort, or just someone else to care. To have a relationship that works, you need to be able to provide for yourself what you want from somebody else. Relationships are supposed to be give and take, otherwise why bother?Keeping in mind that the heavier the relationship the more expectations are involved, be prepared for that. Know that you don't make every decision with just yourself in mind anymore because not only do you have expectations of other people...but they have expectations of you. Mon, 25 May 2009 20:05:00 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=77 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=77 Because they don't understand anything about women, and they're idiots. Okay, maybe that was an overexaggeration, but it sure feels nice to say. In truth, men and women think very differently and have completely different thought processes. Sow hen it comes down to labels, it's no different than any other subject...they just don't get it like we do. But why not?!To us, it's simple. A label is a form of commitment. Women don't want to invest in a man who is not concrete. A label is concrete. It all adds up. To women. For men...well a label is just asking too much. Why would it possibly matter to annouce to the world you're an official couple. What a big deal for nothing.First off, if you ever repeat that last phrase to a woman expect one of two things. She wille ither punch you dead in the face, or make you and the couch become best friends. Don't rool your eyes. Let's begin at step one of a woman's mentality in this situation.Step one: I am finally interested in someone to the point where I've given up my dating pool. I have realized that having options isn't what it's cut out to be, and I've met someone worth it enough to give up my freedom by my own free will.If the guy isn't taking the same actions, a female is more likely going to wait, and then move on if nothing changes.Step two: Neither one of us is seeing anyone. By choice. After some time, feelings are the same, and shared with one another.If the feelings aren't the same, a female is more likely going to wait, and then move on if nothing changes.Step three: We've each been talking to our friends and family about this person and we want them to meet.If the guy doesn't want her to meet anyone, a female is more likely going to wait, and then move on if nothing changes.Step four: The label. It's time.But he causes an issue. What's the use in a label when everything is perfect? Of course, it will come out with flattery, smooth as butter. That may hold us off for a while. When that phase passes, we begin to wonder why he avoided it. Does he love me and can't be with me? Am I temporary? Is there someone else? Does he just not love me enough? The female imagination will run wild. At this point, we're approaching the subject somewhat...passive aggressively. Side comments are frequent, we've upped the sarcasm ante, and we live to watch him squirm. Now we've made it our fault, and we apologize and shut up. Which works...for awhile. Until it builds. Everyone around us is getting engaged, and married, and having babies. And we can't even land a boyfriend/girlfriend label.Full blown aggressive and shit hits the fan on the unsuspecting guy who meant to be sweet, but got our hopes up because he wasn't really saying what we thought he was saying.Now the road veers in a few directions. Take a left and you're driving straight into an argument and heated breaking it off. Take a right and we've successfully made him feel so guilty he feels forced into making us happy and labeling.Straight? If neither of those happen, a female is more likely going to wait, and then move on if nothing changes. Anybody heard that line before? Seems to keep popping up huh. So first, let's just say that it could very well be the female's fault. Of course it can be. You ladies, what do you expect him to give you if you've already given him everything? You haven't made him wait for a thing, from your feelings to sex, so why does he want to make it solid when he's already getting everything. With that being said, there are ladies who don't do that. There are those who invest themselves in secret, like learning Spanish as a surprise to their love who's second language is English. In spite of everything they're doing, their guy still isn't ready for whatever reason.This is where he really is an idiot. So idiot, here's to you. She's chosen you, she loves you, she wants you...and your problem is? If she has waited this long for you, why are you making her wait longer? Bite your tongue before you start slinging excuses because I don't care how convincing they may sound. Simply put...you're an idiot! This poor girl has been holding on, investing in something she doesn't have any clue is even going anywhere. On top of that, you've told her you love her, you talk about the future, and you can't even give her the happiness of telling people in her life that you're her boyfriend. You my dear? You are almost on the level of that jerk she used to be with that treated her like crap instead of breaking up with her. The difference is she's still waiting for you...so what's the hold up? Sun, 15 Mar 2009 20:03:32 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=76 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=76 Tell me in whisper What can stimulate my mind out of a funk Do not speak of my love far away Do not speak of my faith in a better day Do not think of me as a poet, that my reputation proves For I am disgruntled by the thought of restless misery I cant be with the one I love, and I can never love another You ask why I feel this way And I shall speak of the sun with out the moon The river with out the salmon The brook with out the trickle The spring with out the sound The mountain with out the elevation The song with out feeling or story The game without fun Would these not fight to no end for their pair I would not be a beloved if it were not for her joie de vivre I can't but think of her as a Jewish Mona Lisa, A woman version of Anne Frank Quaint, gorgeous, divine Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:02:11 -0700 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=75 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=75 I have a joke going around, that I think is a fact. There is nothing harder then a long distance relationship between bipolar people who are seriously in love. That's the situation i am i right now. Me and my girl have been going serious for about 6 months 12 days and a couple hours. We have only visited each other twice and the third time is coming up. we are very close and very comfortable around each other. Were quite intimate and share everything with each other from the mundane to the spiritual to the deeply emotional. I write her alot of poetry and write to her everyday and we use skype everyday as well. Its like shes here but shes not. The problem is that i miss her so much and it seems that I am getting co-dependent. I am begining to get to research on long distance relationships, and we are continuing to research how to deal with manic depression in our loved one. Its going to work. But I want to get feedback on advice and tips to work it out in the long distance, shes the one, my one and only pride and joy so any help would be amazing. Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:02:01 -0700 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=74 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=74 10 Surefire ways to get your man1) Make the first step if he doesn't. If he has no clue you're interested, how is he supposed to do anything about it?2) Be casual about it. Try finding him online, "bump" into him somewhere you know he'll be (work, somewhere he hangs out, where he shops)3) If you're the first one to invite him to do something, make it a public or group activity (something like, there's a show you might like, a bunch of us are going)4) Make sure someone he knows is going. He'll feel more comfortable that you know someone he knows.5) Pay enough attention to him that he doesn't feel put out, but don't make him the center of attention.6) Introduce him to some people, but go and greet people alone. It'll show him you can hold your own but he's not in a position to know everyone you know.7) Give him something from the night like a ticket, parking ticket, program, box of matches, whatever signifies what you did. It'll keep you on his mind when the night ends.8) Thank him for taking the time to go and make sure you have some sort of body contact when you do, touch his shoulder, arm, hand, or give him a hug.9) If he doesn't get in touch with you within 3 days, send him a text or e-mail saying you had a good time and he was a good sport around so many people he didn't know.10) When something else comes up (or you create it) make it a smaller group or more intimate setting so you can let him know you're interested if he hasn't gotten the picture yet! Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:01:45 -0700 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=73 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=73 Hi, I'm Emil Di Vago,  author of The Sultry Climate.This novel / audio-book is published by Muff Direct,  Co. Donegal,  Ireland.It is a highly explicit story about the sexual exploits between an Irish sailor and a beautiful Oriental schoolgirl,  and is set in the exotic Singapore of the 1960s.The audio-book lasts 5 hours 24 minutes,  costs about US $5 and can be downloaded from: www.muffdirect.netThe paperback novel costs more because of postage etc. - all details on the website.Suitable for lovers everywhere...or those looking for love! Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:01:25 -0700 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=72 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=72 10 Easy ways to flatter a girl1) Tell her how cute you look together in pictures.2) Notice when she changes her hair.3) Ask to see her, don't just wait for her to ask you.4) Remember small things about her, like her favorite kind of chips, and get her a bag when you're getting yourself food.5) Open the door for her....it won't kill you.6) Leave her alone when she gets a call from her mom or sister, find something else to do so she doesn't feel rushed.7) Offer to help her with something, not do it for her.8) Tell her how adorable a little quirk about her is, like how she sometimes snorts when she laughs.9) Invite her to do something with the boys instead of assuming she can't handle it or isn't interested.10) Put your arms around her from the back, smell her neck, and tell her softly in her ear that she smells nice. Automatic goosebumps boys! Mon, 20 Oct 2008 09:10:52 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=71 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=71 I am looking for anyone who has experience with polyamorous relationships.  I feel like my whole world is caving in on me and I don't know what to do... Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:10:36 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=70 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=70 I just want to say that I'm very excited to be a part of this community.  I am a writer on the "Advice" side of the site, so be sure to check out some of my articles.   If you are looking for more help, join my FREE newsletter at http://cheatingspousesrevealed.comFeel free to drop comments to me.  I am glad to listen to you and would love to try and help.  Let me kow if there is anything I can do for you! Fri, 5 Sep 2008 19:09:14 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=69 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=69 Four years old and ready to play outside with the neighborhood kids, a small voice asks "How far can I go?". "Stay where I can see you", comes the reply from the parent.Seven years old and the training wheels just came off the bike, and a slightly more grown up voice asks "How far can I ride?". "Just to the end of the street", taking the chance that their child will be out of sight even just for a few precious minutes.Sixteen with a new license, begging to take out the car. A grudging agreement says "Yes", as the ready to explore teenager eagerly asks, "How far can I drive?!", and the limit is set knowing you have to put more trust in their judgement now.As we grow older and rely on ourselves, the only person we have to ask the question "How far", is on us. We continue to be faced with choices that beg of freedom and of boundaries, of truth and lies. How far are we willing to go to keep our freedom, how far are we willing to allow ourselves to let limits. How far do we tell the truth, and how far do we stretch lies.As children we rely on our parents trust in us, but as we grow up we have to rely on our ability to trust ourselves. What are we capable of? You meet somebody new, and you wonder how far you should go to get them to notice you. How far out of your way are you willing to go to put a smile on their face. How much of a commitment are you willing to make, how much are you willing to sacrifice and compromise.Some of us can't wait to be able to make our own decisions, and some people are never capable of making them. It's scary to realize you control your life, and that if something doesn't go as planned it's your responsibility to take. You can blame your parents when you aren't allowed to date and that person you had your eye on goes for someone they can date. You can't blame them when you guard yourself after being hurt and miss the opportunity to meet someone who could have changed your life. You can silently thank you parents for not letting you go to an unsupervised party the cops raided, and then it's on you to silently thank yourself when you decide against that drink from the cute guy at the bar when he gets arrested a week later for date rape.It all begs the question, how far can we trust our own judgement. When we get hurt time and time again, how long do we continue to leave ourselves open to it? Can we remain so closed off that we are denying our own happiness because maybe the risk of getting hurt doesn't seem worth it? Nobody can tell you the answers because you are the only answer. How far are you willing to go? How far are you willing to fall? How far can you stretch yourself, and how far can you sell yourself short. Mon, 1 Sep 2008 16:09:35 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=68 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=68   There is NO secret but many people don't LOVE  the answer !- The Answer is THE LOVE within them and has been since before they were born ! ALLOW the LOVE to FLOW within you and ALLOW it to Enter !!The answer is to surrender to the universe and truly LOVE and APPRECIATE  ALL aspects of who you TRULY Are at the time, have been in the past and will be in the future. !! By doing so Love and APPRECIATION will expand !!Most people are NOT True to Themselves -(too much EGO). To honestly Love who you are and know that through Loving yourself unconditionally and Appreciating and having Gratitude for every single event that you have ever attracted in your life , You will Feel TRUE LOVE in Everything , everybody and in all of the world !!You will feel the divinity in everything-You will no longer see things as good or bad-positive or negative. You will equally embrace support and challenge. Your words inside and outside will Change -    I simply Say I am BLESSED !! I am safe and I am Loved !!There is either Love or a calling for Love !!   www.Fantuzzimusic.com True Love is an internal dialogue and feeling that will Allow a healthy soil to develop to plant the seeds for attracting a Balanced, Loving, Joyful and inspiring Relationship with yourself and with others.  People think the seeds that they planted are not producing the crops they desire !! The universe knows Better-it makes no mistakes  !Every Relationship is Perfect based on conscious and subconscious desires and the dynamics of ALL involved- ALL includes ALL -as in ALL of the world or universe !  Please note Happiness and peaceful are NOT there -When you seek those you will attract the polar opposites. You are not loving and  appreciating the present Balance when you seek Happiness and peace. War and peace balance perfectly in the world and universe through LOVE !Simply Be Love and Loving and You will be and feel Joy and Harmony !!We can learn from children -Live and Love in the moment !! To learn more please read book Heart of Love by Dr Demartini.com -other great books are gratitude effect and count your blessings. Please visit Thankgodi.com to learn to give thanks for EVERYTHINGMuch Love and ALOHA Tom Passerella on Kauai Ano ai ke aloha e.  Aloha ke akua.Be kind to yourself and smile.Thank God I http://thankgodi.com/?idAff=87Great stories of Love and Gratitude It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:08:33 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=67 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=67 Main Entry: 1love Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please Date: before 12th century (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b: an assurance of love <give her my love>2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>3 a: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1): a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2)British —used as an informal term of address4 a: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1): the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God Agape - Is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world, it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another. Phileo - Is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love". Two other words for love in the Greek language -- Eros (sexual love) and storge (needy child-to-parent love)  The word love can be broken down until we've lost the word all together. After reading the word so many times, we lose focus. Repeat it outloud tens times....any idea how it originally sounded? Over centuries we beg and plead to just know the answer, what is love?Well, I don't know. I might know what it means for me, but I don't know what it means for you. Just like everything else in life we have the ability to believe what we choose to believe. What works for one person doesn't work for somebody else, so how can we give such a specific definition to a word that has as much diversity as religion?What I can do is give you an idea of what to look for, signs that may work for you, and may not. Everybody is still different and still seeks different things, so what I can share with you is things that work for me and if anything maybe it can atleast inspire you to explore what it is for you.To set the mood to share this very personal information, we'll imagine we're curled up on an oversize couch with mugs of steaming hot chocolate because let's face it, what's a good heart to heart without some chocolate? So first meeting somebody, it's about the eyes. You can just tell stupid people, no offense, but they just have this blank look in their eyes. I can see when I make eye contact with somebody if there's something there. It can be the tiniest little stir that makes me feel like I should look awake, but I can't break the contact. If there's no eye connection, there's no connection flat out. Somebody's voice, if they have a voice I know I could just listen to, we're good. I like to have somebody I can hold a conversation with, banter back and forth with, and talk to for hours. It tells me there's more than the initial attraction when I can talk to them over the phone, because I'm not looking at them so I can tell if there's an emotional connection. Sense of humor and sarcasm have to be there for me, I like to laugh and smile.Sensitivity, somebody who can recognize what I've been through in my life and support and appreciate the growth I've made. I need someone to can see my strength and, to maybe want to be there for me as an equal, but not pave the easy road for the rest of my life. I enjoy working hard because I know I've earned it. I want someone easy going but stubborn, who can go with the flow but stand up for what they believe in and on occasion not take no for answer. I truly love my independence and ability to take care of myself, but I would love to not have to all the time. It would be nice if I could trust somebody else to make a decision instead of knowing I can only rely on my own judgement. I have no problem giving up some control to someone who can handle taking it.I will fall for anybody with an appreciation for music. You can be completely tone deaf and still sing just because it's fun and you don't care what you sound like. As long as you can sit through my favorite independent film and keep your mind on the movie and see what I see, you're good. Also have to be able to put up with my ability to laugh at overdramatic and pathetic horror films. If you want to try and cuddle and think a scary movie is the way to go, you're in for a rude awakening because it won't work. I also have quirky habits, so you have to be able to laugh at them and not roll your eyes when you have to order my medium hazelnut iced coffee with 12 creams and 12 liquid sugars, light on the ice. If you forget I hate tomatoes, you're doomed.Simply put, I want to be seen for who I am and not who someone wants me to be. We all have to settle for things we thought we didn't want in somebody. So maybe dating someone who occasionally smokes isn't going to kill me as long as they're respectful about it. And maybe if you don't truly love my cooking it's not the end of the world. And I guess being able to dance can be put on the back burner. Because there are bigger things. There's the fact that yes I have a daughter, and yes I have a past. As much as my daughter's father is not going to be awarded a father of the year plaque, he's still her father. I would never presume somebody else take that position in her life. Accept her, be my equal, and we'll call it a deal. Above all, do not ever think I am in it for a step up. I never want to have to defend the fact that I follow how I feel and I listen to my heart. I've been married twice without a ring, that should tell you something. I don't take advantage of people and I'm the person who's always gotten walked on.The one truth I have lived by as far as loved concerned in my life is what has become cliched. My life passage as always been 1 Corinthians 13, and above all of the specific qualities I'd like to have in my life, this will always remain true."Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. There are three things that will endure-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love."Sometimes it's not about recognizing love, it's about knowing when you don't have it. You will be lonelier having it and denying it, than not having it at all. So do yourself a favor and take risks; be afraid to fall. Learn that the greater the risk, the more satisfying the happiness. If you fall you can get back up again but never stop trying. You will fail, but the more failure you overcome, the more you appreciate the success. And know that you can't expect somebody else to see something in you that you don't see yourself. Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:08:11 -0600 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=66 http://www.lovedetour.com/rss.php?header=blogs&id=66 You're probably wondering what makes me so qualified to be a relationship expert....how wonderful must my relationships be to instill upon others the goodness of what I have in my life. The truth is, I haven't had a relationship last longer than a year and a half. Which makes you wonder why you should listen to me at all. If I can't even keep one, what gives me the right to tell the world what they should do. Because it's in failing that we succeed. It's in mistakes that we learn, and it's in love that we fall. It's not in the sweet victory that I know what I know, it's in the bitter defeat. Here's my story.Summer brings with it the dreams that reality relies on in New England. Winter is the farthest thought from our minds as we pack the coolers for a day at the beach and watch children play in sprinklers. After having been in love a dozen or so times in high school I was ready for the big leagues. I'd had a steady boyfriend throughout my senior year of high school that I moved in with and got engaged to when I started college. Realizing that I was in love with the idea of love itself and not with the boy that while had always come to rescue to my rescue but was not the man of my dreams, we broke it off. It went through its ups and downs seeing how we'd been best friends for so long first, and I couldn't imagine not having in my life, I just didn't love him in the way that he deserved from somebody he wanted to spend his life with. As good fortune would have it I met a string of insignificant boys to date that summer of 2005 finally leading me to one, and since all the other boys had paled in comparison to this punk rock guitar playing god (as my nineteen year old mind saw him), we became the official boyfriend and girlfriend. I fell in love with his guitar, he fell in love with my voice.It brought with it all the romance I'd dreamed of. Staying up all night talking, slow dancing with sweet words whispered in my ear, and the night sky full of stars that for every one there was something he loved about me or a reason he loved me. It was bittersweet and we were inseparable, working together during the day, carpooling in my car since I was the one with wheels, and finding some place to sleep at night where we didn't have to leave each other's side. Once we both moved in with my mom and enrolled in college together, he started to see that he'd lost freedom somewhere along the way. The freedom of not answering to somebody else and making his own choices without someone else's opinion or say. Freedom from responsibility of taking care of himself, when his own mom had always taken care of him, and seeing how easily he would be welcomed into his own life and home once again, he left. I remember trying to change his mind, and when I could just see he wouldn't, asking for one last kiss. Somehow hoping that in one more kiss he would realize what he was leaving. He didn't, and I drove away with the unsettling knowledge that it was something bigger than us that would bring us back together.Two weeks later what I already knew was confirmed, I was pregnant. It was the magic answer, he could leave me but he couldn't run from his child. It was easier for him to separate himself from the thought of a child than I had imagined, and after getting back together he broke if off four days later with the harsh words that he could do better than me and deserved better than who I was. I went through sleepless nights and days that I couldn't leave bed because of the emotional pain that made it so I couldn't stop crying. I wrote letters to my unborn child and prayed everyday that her father would return to me. I left school and once Thanksgiving hit was so sick I couldn't hold down a job or even drive regularly. My health insurance was dropped because I was no longer a student, and I had no income. In rides my rescuer, the faithful best friend who couldn't bear to see me go through such pain. After roadtripping with my mom to his basic training graduation and knowing that I did love him, I always had, we got back together. In some desparate need for security and comfort in my suffering I'd taken advantage of the very reason I'd left him in high school.Then the news comes that my child's father has enlisted active duty Army instead of the Reserves that would allow him to be around. Giving up the job that my father had gotten him he left in the dead of winter, and I gave up on him and married the person I knew would never leave me. Passion and true love had gotten me into the mess I was in, and I was convinced loyalty and friendship would get me out. In my too old for my years head I assumed what made marriages work was the friendship that was left when feelings had died away. I never thought twice and stood by my choice, knowing if I tried hard enough it could and would work. And even knowing I wasn't in love with him he was willing to try too. He was more than I could have asked for. When my child's father wasn't there when she was born, she had her stepfather who flew in from Texas for three days to be there for us. When her father wouldn't attend her baby dedication when I'd set up for him to play a song he used to play me, her stepfather dedicated his life to teach her God's way. When I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight, he sent me to bed and slept on the couch with her head resting on his chest.He was an amazing person and I would never change him, but having moved away from my family I was at a loss. I was hurting inside, hurting for my self and hurting for my daughter. Love heals pain, but the love I felt for my husband wasn't the kind that healed the pain of loss. It muted it to have someone care for me and someone I could rely on, but it started to not be enough. Weighing my options I left for home to surprise my sister for her birthday and once there realized I couldn't leave. My husband knew I wasn't going back somehow, and with the patience of a saint stuck with me as my best friend. I enrolled in cosmetology school two months later having moved back in with my mom and having fulltime care for my daughter. Me and my husband were separated and at the end of that year would divorce, but he financially and as much as he could handle emotionally, supported me.In some stroke of miracles I got a call on Valentine's Day three months before my daughter would turn two. Her father wanted to know if there was any chance we'd be willing to drive to New York where he was then stationed for a family weekend that his command was hosting before his battalion's deployment. Overjoyed at the invitation I accepted, the first step to letting him back into my life. When he said he was also going to be driving home the following day and would I spend some time with him, I glady said yes. Even with the pain I'd gone through I'd always left a part of me open for the possibility of "us". And when he sang karaoke with me and then played that same old song on the guitar he stealthily brought in from the car, I opened myself up more than I should have been willing to. In the following weeks we would spend his weekends home together being the family I always dreamed we'd be. I would take a six hour drive in a relative's vehicle just to get on base and surprise him for the weekend having my daughter at home with his mother. He would drive home in a blizzard to that same night that my heart feared that he would leave me again, kneel in the piling snow without a ring and ask me to marry him. And we would marry that following week with just our daughter having not told anybody, because he was making the choice to be with me so what obligation did he have to tell the world his decision.I fell for it all. I fell for the words of "believe me", "trust me", "I won't let you down", "I'm sorry I did what I did", and "I'll make it up to you". The past hurt, but the thought of being a family and getting through my own grief would hurt less. I was asked to leave my father's house when he found out I got married, and we ended up with an apartment and furniture. I sold my car because he would be leaving for Iraq and I would be driving his. I drove him to New York the week he was leaving for fifteen months, and I opened up to him knowing the possibility of never seeing him again. I spent more time than I'd planned because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving his side while he was so close still. And at the end of one of what seemed like the shortest long week of my life, I drove away with the image of my husband in his uniform openly crying and waving. I held it in until I left the parking lot, knowing my strength would keep him strong. I pulled over on the side of the road and lost it, and cried for another two hours driving home.I did everything a wife would do in that situation. I handwrote him letters everyday, I got care packages ready to mail out, I set up online wishlists for him, and I always waited until I was off the phone with him to cry. I kept a candle burning every night for his safe return, I went to my in-laws for dinner a few times a week, and I slept alone in the living room because I couldn't sleep in the bed that only reminded me he was gone. The constant fear that he would eventually leave me was always in the back of my mind, but I'd married him and was willing to put aside my doubt to not hinder a successful marriage. I believed in the commitment I'd made even if I didn't completely believe in his ability to unconditionally love me. If anything our daughter had the life she deserved and I couldn't bear the thought that I was the reason her parents weren't together, so I put all of my fears in a box and put it away.He started calling less and less and I made all of the proper excuses. When he would be upset with me and not call on purpose, I became more independent and less relient on his disappearing dependability. I made the choice to take our daughter to a Butterfly farm with my ex-husband as we were closer than we'd ever been as friends since we were assured we'd never be more. As soon as my husband called I told him, and his response was that he didn't know if he could be with my anymore. I told him my friendship was important to me and my ex-husband had played a vital part in our daughter's life (she calls him pops), but I could understand his insecurity in being far from home and that I would refrain from spending time if it would become an issue. Two weeks later he told me he was leaving me and would start divorce paperwork in the fall on his leave.I have since graduated school and taken my state boards to receive my permanent cosmetology license. I'll be getting a roomate to stay in the apartment I live in now to not have to uproot my daughter's life yet again, it's hard enough not having her father around as it is. I have a job as a hair stylist in a great salon, and my daughter is my entire life. The longing to know if it could ever work between her father I has been fully satisfied, and I'm thankful that I'll never have any lingering questions. As difficult as it is to know that I married somebody who could give up on me so easily, atleast I know. I don't regret my choices because at each point in my life it was exactly what I wanted. Meanwhile, i'm healing. Some nights it hurts to even breathe and I wonder how I could have given him so much credit, and I'm fully aware that it will take time to believe in commitment again.Whether I like it or not, the future has been knocking on my door. Sometimes I think I'm too close to being swept off my feet for comfort in my own mind. When I meet someone sometimes my stomach starts doing this little dance that tells me I need to be careful. I still hurt sometimes, but the fact that I am capable of not hurting tells me something. It tells me that there is still hope, and there is still time. The right love will wait for me and let me take my time, and it will love me and my daughter unconditionally. I'm just happy to be back capable of even in some small part to give the unknown a chance. So here's to pain, heartache, heartbreak, and the opportunity to come out of it all on top. Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:08:15 -0600